Though I had agreed to introduce Angie Smith, I stood before that room of 200 women and thought, “I am crazy to do this.”
My heart was so aggressively low. I felt like I was in the depths of the earth’s stomach.
I stood up there, behind the podium, and told them that this particular weekend was an anomaly to me. I was originally supposed to be a Relevant 10 speaker. And then, I got pregnant! So, I nixed the conference and had planned on being happily home with my two-week-old baby girl. But then, she died. And, in time, Sarah Mae kindly found a way for me to attend Relevant 10 again. For some reason, after that, the next place God had me journey was up on a stage, empty-armed and bewildered, to introduce a woman whose book had deeply touched me while I was trudging through the mourning process.
There I stood: humiliated in the deepest sense of the word. Oh, it wasn’t my pride that ached. It was my whole being that felt empty. Wandering. Wondering. I was in the depths. I would have done anything to have been introducing Angie Smith for different reasons, for both our sakes. But, instead, we had to face the fact that our lives mingled because of heartache and loss. Yet, it was ordained by God. So, I stood there and hurt for 7 long minutes and talked about the mysterious hand of God through the journey.Â All the while, I was squinting through my tears to believe it myself.
How could I have known that, while my spirit sunk to the pit of the earth, my womb was just beginning its swell and welcome to a new life.
Oh, the wonder of it all!
My arms were so so empty.
Yet, my whole being was full! The tiniest of tiny beginnings! Our fourth child!
There are no words, except We Rejoice.
I waited too long to tell you about Juliette. By the time many of you even heard her name, she was gone.
So, this time around, I am telling you loud and clear about the little one who has entered our lives.
We are expecting a baby!
And I implore you, please pray!
My heart shakes with understandable fear; yet my Father stands with unwavering strength.
I keep rolling my fears onto Him. Casting them into His hand. Lugging them onto the cross.
And He keeps giving me peace. Peace. Peace.
But, please pray! Pray that this child will grow and age. That this child will be healthy and strong. That this child will be fruitful in youth and old age to show that the Lord is a rock and there is no unrighteousness in Him.
I do intend to speak at Relevant 11. And I do intend on bringing our 3-month-old baby with me. I might just hold the baby while I speak; it’ll feel so so good.
Yes. We rejoice!