10 million miles

When I’m out for a run, the hardest moment comes when I’ve been running up a hill for, oh, way too long, and I just can’t go any further.

I’m 3 feet from the crest of the hill.

And I walk.

I know better. I was almost there! But I just couldn’t push myself one step further.

My high school cross-country coach used to hollar about running “through” the entire hill… over the crest and on.

He’d train us: we’d run hill after hill after hill. The whole point was to get up and over that hill, running all the way through.

On a good day, all it takes is a little endurance, and – ah – I’m up and over that hill… suddenly the legs loosen up, the heart rejoices, and the run succeeds.

So I find myself needing to run some hills regarding servanthood.

I can sprint through a whole day, serving, serving, serving (you know how it is, moms). A smile, some energy, a gentle heart.

And then, ugh.

I’m 3 feet from the crest of the hill.

And I just can’t take it any more. I stop short.

I lose patience.

Need time alone.

I demand affirmation from my husband, my kids, ANYbody.

And I never crest the hill.

The tragedy is that cresting the hill is what servanthood is all about.

I can serve, serve, serve with a smile on my face and a cute apron around my waist, but if I turn around and hand my family a bill, I turn my offering into hired-help.

Never demanding paybacks or praise is what makes servanthood, servanthood!

So, I look with eager eyes to the Servant of All, and ask, “Father, strengthen me with endurance, so that I may do Your will with zeal and diligence, and that I might not quit pursuing the deep things of God… Direct my heart into the patience, or endurance in which Jesus walked. Give me strength to follow through in my commitments to You and to fulfill my ministry calling when it is difficult.” (prayer from Prayers to Strengthen Your Inner Man)

(I’ve got some more Mommy Vlogs in the works! Subscribe today so you don’t miss out!)

I recently received an email from Ryan that simply said, “I want to interview you…”

So today, we sat across from one another in a sound-proof booth, in a mobile recording studio, parked on a street downtown.

Ryan asked about my childhood, my education, our relationship, our daughters, our memories – both good and bad. And, together, we told a story.

A story about a couple of our sweetest moments; a few words recorded about God’s faithfulness and His gift of life to us.

StoryCorps then gave us a CD of the interview and filed our conversation with 60,000 other stories at the Library of Congress.

Perhaps you would like to interview someone to preserve a story? They’ll be in Trenton, NJ next! I highly recommend this sweet experience.

(Can’t wait to find out if I get a part? Me either!  Subscribe today!)

(Ryan and Laura sitting by Juliette’s grave)

Father’s Day. Out of town for the weekend. Late to church.

Of course, our seats were in the front.

As we slid into place, the Assistant Pastor was calling out the names of young fathers whose wives had delivered babies this year.

One by one, the fathers came forward; big smiles; gratefully accepting their gift: a pound of yummy-flavored coffee.

When the Pastor was finished reading through his list of names, he had one more bag left.

“One bag left! Any other fathers out there whose wives delivered a baby or are expecting a baby this year?”

Ryan and I pressed into each other for support and sat, silently. We knew we just couldn’t jump up and down, waving our arms for a pound of coffee. This was a celebration of receiving children. We couldn’t bear to blanket it with our loss. But in our hearts, we cried out, “We did! We delivered a baby this year! Her name is Juliette and she is beautiful and perfect and sweet… We did…”

And there it was: in the midst of an otherwise sunny, coffee-filled Sunday: Sorrow.

Nor did my sister and her husband jump up and down, waving their arms for a pound of coffee, though they had every reason to. For, at the same time that the Lord received Juliette, He began crafting their baby. Joy!

We all just sat in silence.

Because, suddenly, what’s a pound of coffee??

When sorrow and joy mingle, their dance silences the room; their bitter-sweet union is beyond human understanding.

So, all we can do is gasp for breath under the weight of their entwined hands.

And then, if we can muster up the energy, we grasp each other’s hands, weep if we must, laugh if we may, and wonder.

***

Joy in affliction is rooted in the hope of resurrection, but our experience of suffering also deepens the root of that hope.

- John Piper

This week, I’ll pass along a few of the treasures we discovered at this year’s incredible CHAP convention.

(“CHAP” convention?? Yes, the Christian Homeschool Association of Pennsylvania, naturally. It’s one of the largest homeschooling conventions in the country and is held in our very own Harrisburg every year. Two years ago, as I anticipated my first attendance, I was told,

“Oh, yuck. It smells like poop and you’ll be the only one in lipstick.”

But, OH WAS THAT INCORRECT!

Okay, so it smells *faintly* of manure and who-has-time-to-apply-lipstick-when-she’s-frantically-looking-over-thousands-of-mouth-watering-curriculum-options, BUT, it is glorious. Dozens of incredible speakers, thousands of incredible resources, and thousands of Christian HOMESCHOOLERS all mingling together!! What more could a girl want?? I think I’ve finally talked Ryan into making it my birthday and Mother’s Day gift every year for the next 10 years at least.)

So, CHAP 2010.

Treasure #1: George Sarris of The World’s Greatest Stories

This man blew us away on Friday night with his performance of 3 dramatized recitations of stories straight out of Scripture. Talk about hearing the Word of God in a new way! My spirit stirred in me when Abraham looked upon his son, strapped to the altar, and proclaimed in with deep guttural conviction, “THE LORD WILL PROVIDE.”

We purchased 2 of his CDs and are so so pleased by his ability to recite Scripture word-for-word and yet vitalize all of the characters, passion, and glory of God.

We’ve been playing the stories in the car. Let’s just say, Vivienne and Lia sit on the edge of their car seats until the end of each story. Fantastic.

Several comments to my recent post, “The Woman Teacher“, expressed concern that I consider all of Scripture – and not just one little verse  in formulating my thoughts about a woman’s place in teaching men doctrinally in the church.

To my concerned writers, I gladly respond, Do not fear! For it has been in considering all of Scripture – including the “one little verses” - that I have wrestled (and wrestled) and ultimately come to a peaceful conclusion for myself.

I have considered Deborah… a God-appointed judge in a time of God-appointed judgment.

I have considered the woman at the well… an open vessel of “Look what He has done!”

I have considered the beloved women at the tomb… honored, awe-struck proclaimers of life… not heard or believed by men who had to encounter Christ for themselves. Luke 24:11.

I have not forgotten the women of God. I have not forgotten the redeeming power of the Cross.

Nor did Paul when he penned 1 Timothy 2.

Perhaps, these examples and others like them are not as useful in refuting 1 Timothy 2, as much as they are useful in restoring our peace that – in the midst of 1 Timothy 2: 11- 15 – God fully intends for women to be obedient, able, witnesses of His character and deeds.

So.

Ah.

When I consider all of Scripture,

All I can say is…

“Who is like the Lord?

And what have we to say on the matter?

He is the Potter.

He is the Boundary Maker. He is the Boundary Breaker.

He works mysteries beyond my interpretation or understanding.

Who is like the Lord:

Who made me a woman and not a man

Who has given me great peace about not teaching or usurping a man’s authority in the church

But, who could ask me tomorrow to be a Deborah – judging men in a time when they will not do it themselves

Who has made me like the woman at the well – gladly proclaiming His salvation to all creatures.

Who has made me like a woman at the empty tomb – amazed to see Him risen; grateful when others see Him, too.

Who teaches me to consider others more significant than myself,

to lay my life down for my friends,

and to rest contently in the One who really did.

***

And so, dear friends, in answer to your concern:

Yes, I long to consider all of Scripture!

(What treasures I would miss if I didn’t.)

And when I consider all of Scripture,

my heart resounds with a desire simply to please the Author.

Which, I bet, is what you desire, too.

***

Thank you, friends, for your mercy and care.

Let’s keep listening for His voice and running into His arms…

…and considering all of Scripture (wink).

In his book, Womanly Dominion, Mark Chanski applies a little – but mighty – side-line soccer cheer that he used as his daughter’s soccer coach: “WIN IT!”

Now hear this: when he’d yell, “WIN IT!” he wasn’t shoutin’ about the whole game, per se, but rather one momentary battle occurring on the field:

Two players racing down the field in pursuit of the ball: “WIN IT!”

Two players kicking ferociously at shins as the ball tangles between their legs: “WIN IT!”.

In those specific moments, each girl must choose to exert the energy and effort to WIN her mini-soccer battle. Of course, we all know that when a player wins enough mini-soccer battles, she wins the whole game.

So, I read Chanski’s book months and months ago, and must now attest to the power of incorporating the “WIN IT!” cheer into my own internal dialogue as I face millions of mini battles each day. I would just faint with intimidation if I dwelt too long on the big-picture-battle-of-life. But, if I “WIN IT!” one little battle at a time, I’ll look back on my day with the peace of mind that I gave it my all.

Observant spectators might hear my inner coach early in the morning when I face the battle of getting out of bed: “WIN IT!” she coaches, and I swing my legs over the side of the bed.

Or maybe you’d hear her when I just don’t feel like following through with a disobedient 2-year-old. “WIN IT!” she determines, and I turn away from my own pursuits in order to pursue my daughter’s heart instead.

“WIN IT!” to close the bathroom door;

“WIN IT!” to plan the week’s meals;

“WIN IT!” to write those belated thank you notes;

“WIN IT!” to tackle the laundry;

“WIN IT!” to refrain from angry words.

I find that “WIN IT” is often just enough encouragement to make the right choice for one intimidating challenge at a time.

(Of course, sometimes my internal coach just can’t scream loudly enough to overcome my exhaustion or self-defeat, and that’s when a nice nap at the sidelines comes in handy, too. “WIN IT!”)

They say without the valleys, we’d miss out on our sweetest and deepest moments with the Lord.

As for me, I’m partial to the meadows, the quiet waters, the full-tables when He blesses and blesses.

Ah, yes, let me know Him well in those times. Times…

…when I’m experiencing the peace of a healthy body that just works. Without pain. Without concern.

…when we’re reaping the joy of a child’s obedience because the “rod with reproof” really did bring wisdom.

…when dreams that seemed too big, are not.

…when discipline blossoms into righteousness and peace.

…when the sun shines, and flowers bloom, and a friend gives us a bin full of fantastic girl-clothes just before we are about to stock up on some 5T shorts at Target.

…when I ask the Lord, “what’s on Your mind?” and He showers me with truth, encouragement, and direction from His Word at just the right time.

Nothing stirs my soul like His kindness and undeserved mercies.

…when the Holy Spirit bellows up great gusts of pure gratitude that fill my depths.

…when I can lean my head back to the heavens, open my hands, and shout, “You are so good to me!”

…and even when He reminds me, time after time, that He has nothing hidden behind His back.

That I need not anticipate the turn of the hand, the change of the tide, the “catch”.

But that I can rest in the truth that every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Not as a carrot, dangled in front of my face. Not as a talisman or a tease. But as a gift.

From two open, out-stretched hands, into mine.

Oh, the wonder of seeing Him in the midst of great blessing; the fascination of studying Him during the time of peace.

The sheer luxury of laying in His pasture, by His side, because He has said I will lack nothing.

Yes, His charms are infinite in the midst of dark valleys; but we must never forget that they are infinite – and eternal – in the midst of peace.

^“He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?” Romans 8:32

So my blog posts have been less frequent lately for many reasons, one of which is that we have been in the process of selling our house. We have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity coming up that I’m excited to tell you about! BUT, that’s for another post on another day.

Today, I just want to gush over HOUSE STAGING. Oh, the de-cluttering! The simplifying! The choosing “just the right” decoration! I’ve gotta tell ya, I caught the bug. (‘Need your house staged??)

We tried the whole FSBO thing and are so glad that we did. After a couple of last minute projects (okay, so we redid the basement), a yard sale, and a furious last-minute shoving-of-everything-stinky/ bulky/ personal into the van, we had a perfect offer and a sale! I know it’s not typically that easy in today’s market, but for us, the whole process was blown forward by the wind of God. The daffodils opened up just in time, our local mallard duck couple moseyed on over during a showing or two, and people just seemed to love our little home.

Of course, if you watch TLC, this is probably old news to you, but this non-cable-watcher found all kinds of house-staging tips online that inspired her socks off. Amongst my favorites:

* turn on all the lights in your house ahead of time and open all of the curtains and blinds (even on a sunny day, this brightened our already-bright house so that it looked like it was pleased-as-punch with itself)

* bake cookies (I really did this! Refrigerated cookie dough plopped into the oven 10 minutes before the next showing: yum!)

* remove everything personal: family photos, toothbrushes, etc. (help the buyers to imagine that the house is their own)

* right before the showing, get yourself a laundry basket, fill it with as much clutter and bulk as possible and stash it in your car. (Okay, so maybe I went overboard, but in the end I was glad that I totally cleared the bathroom of absolutely everything except for a bottle of hand soap. It looked amazing! Roomy! Like you could do the Rumba in there! I also was glad that I removed our laundry basket, diaper pail, and space-hogging toys.)

Though your car will be jam-packed to the ceiling, your house will look mighty fine. Of course, this car-cramming practice also helps a person to think twice before judging the station wagon parked next to them at McDonald’s: you know, the one that is packed floor-to-ceiling with just stuff? Well, now you’ll just imagine how immaculate that driver’s house might be because of it.

* open the windows, be warm and friendly, and let the good Lord decide who lives where

Needless to say, I was pretty high strung about the whole thing, and after I scoured the whole house, I banished all children from the premises. Viv asked if they would have to live outside for days. Good thing for her, the house sold in one.

Hallelujah! And what fun!

Over the past few weeks, I felt compelled to share here what I’ve come to believe about any opportunities I may have to teach or preach to a group that includes men.

Funny timing, because the next thing I knew, a friend wrote a similar post herself. It must have stirred up some controversy because she removed her original statements for now.  (It’s kinda difficult to tackle the likes of  1 Timothy 2: 11 – 12 without stirring up controversy! First Timothy 2:11 – 12, says “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence…”) Anyway, so after I read her blog posts, I thought I’d join the folks cheering her on for tackling a tough subject in the first place, and say, “here’s what I’ve come to believe…”

As you know, there are all kinds of interpretations of the women-teaching-men-in-church Scriptures. Most of them come down to two arguments:

1. The passages must be applied literally for us, just as they were for the original audience. These folks believe that women should not teach men.

2. The passages must be interpreted culturally. Paul was writing to an audience with starkly different gender roles, and was trying to promote peace and order in the worship services. He was suggesting worship rules that would benefit the women and men in his culture. These folks typically believe that women could – and often should – teach men.

Like many of you, I’ve wrestled over this topic so many times. I love to teach – was born to teach – and so, this topic has appeared often on my personal journey.  I never found peace for my turmoil, until God revealed this to me:

1. If the Scriptures are to be interpreted literally, I must conclude that I should not teach men. Period. It’s plain and simple. It’s just what the words themselves say.

2. If the Scriptures are to be interpreted culturally, I should imitate Paul’s examination of gender roles, carefully considering what would benefit both genders in my culture. I still come out with: I should not teach men.  It seems to me, that in our church culture, women are rocking-the-party with teaching each other, holding Bible studies, encouraging each other to dig deep into Scripture. It seems to me that many men struggle to do so. It seems to me that women prosper when their men are confident, wise, and able to teach. It seems to me, that the men in a church need open spaces before they step forward in leadership, teaching, or preaching. Of course, that’s just my cultural interpretation. But let me tell you about one specific experience that encouraged me greatly. About a year ago, I had the opportunity to decline a teach-men-in-church offer. Here’s what happened: because I did not fill the podium, a man did.  He spoke about prayer. At the end, he had the elders (all men) pray for people in need. One of the people they prayed for was me! They gathered our little family together and prayed that God would increase and bless us. (And has He ever!!) It was powerful to sit in the receiving position and watch all of these men work in the Lord. They were mobilized, empowered, strong. And, by choosing to refrain from the opportunity, I was mobilized, empowered, and strong, too.