Ryan and I are coming up on our 15 year wedding anniversary: years packed with happy memories full of laughter, intimacy, service, growth, dreams, wackiness, and adventure. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that our journey has also included many dark valleys. We’ve struggled through infertility, the struggle against sin and heartache from the past, intense arguments, pre-term labor, … Read More
Who is Like God?
I’ve never felt satisfied by the book of Job when we learn that God blessed the latter part of his life more significantly than the beginning. We all know that no amount of children or wealth would help him to forget his losses. The rest of his life – as bounteous as it may have been – was forever marked … Read More
Friends Don’t Let Friends Dye Their Hair
Some time has passed since I’ve written about the stillbirth of our daughter. At the time, I wrote some serious and reflective words. And now, I feel the freedom and passion to write some not-as-serious, but kind-of-important words. You might find them insensitive or inappropriate, but I think any woman would appreciate the insight you’ll have in your back pocket … Read More
What Due Dates Mean
Maybe you’ll remember that I posted this same photo way back in February. At the time, I was enjoying the early weeks of my third pregnancy. I was happy and content as I felt life growing and changing inside of me. Yet, I glimpsed something profound about Lia asking to wear her bathing suit for two weeks in a row, … Read More
Sorrow into Healing
(You’re going to think this is a strange thing to get all sentimental about, but it was meaningful to me as I continue to weave through the mourning process…) The other day, Vivienne lost her earring-back in grandmom and grandpop’s car. She told me later that she had been so upset about it that she was crying and crying. She … Read More
Mourn With Those Who Mourn
These notes are for myself to remember how much certain gifts have meant to me; to remember that, in time, that’s the way I want to give, too. A list of the gifts that have ministered such grace to me during my mourning… Some are well-worn beloved sentiments that work every time; others are surprising gifts that were just what … Read More
How She Won My Heart
When I delivered Juliette, I wasn’t expecting to feel the same bonding that I felt with our other children. I wasn’t expecting to feel that deep love that took root when I held our first two squirmy, crying, nursing daughters. And yet, I did. She lay so still in the crook of my arm, and my heart gushed with love … Read More
Maybe it’s okay…
Maybe it’s okay for a child to face the grave. Though we live in a culture, and are – thankfully – still part of a generation where the grave is rare, our family hasn’t had the luxury of avoiding the grave this time. (Shoot, and I’d done such a good job of replacing all of the old morbid nursery rhymes … Read More
Holding You
(Still Father’s Day. Still at church.) After the Assistant Pastor finished up acknowledging the new fathers and giving them pounds of coffee, a woman slid into her seat directly in front of me. In her arms, she held her 6-day-old infant. He was so small. He was unspeakably precious. His tiny ruddy head reminded me of something so familiar and … Read More
The Mingling of Sorrow and Joy
(Ryan and Laura sitting by Juliette’s grave) Father’s Day. Out of town for the weekend. Late to church. Of course, our seats were in the front. As we slid into place, the Assistant Pastor was calling out the names of young fathers whose wives had delivered babies this year. One by one, the fathers came forward; big smiles; gratefully accepting … Read More
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