Holding You

LauraAll Posts, Motherhood, Stillbirth

(Still Father’s Day. Still at church.) After the Assistant Pastor finished up acknowledging the new fathers and giving them pounds of coffee, a woman slid into her seat directly in front of me. In her arms, she held her 6-day-old infant. He was so small. He was unspeakably precious. His tiny ruddy head reminded me of something so familiar and … Read More

The Mingling of Sorrow and Joy

LauraAll Posts, Marriage, Motherhood, Stillbirth

(Ryan and Laura sitting by Juliette’s grave) Father’s Day. Out of town for the weekend. Late to church. Of course, our seats were in the front. As we slid into place, the Assistant Pastor was calling out the names of young fathers whose wives had delivered babies this year. One by one, the fathers came forward; big smiles; gratefully accepting … Read More

The Grave and the Cross

LauraAll Posts, Motherhood, Stillbirth

(Juliette’s grave) Nothing – nothing – causes me to cling to the Cross like the grave. It’s all too tangible now. More than ever before, I need Jesus Christ to return and to make all things right. (Bear with me for the next week or so. It’s just that I have a lot of thoughts about things… and I think … Read More

Our Three Girls

LauraAll Posts, Motherhood, Stillbirth

Last summer, I had bought two flower fairies from a young friend who has an exquisite talent. I could see “Vivienne” and “Lia” each in a flower fairy; and they’ve been flying in the girls’ bedroom ever since. Here’s Vivienne’s: and Lia’s: When we lost Juliette, one of my first deep desires was to have a third little flower-fairy. (I … Read More

Things are not okay.

LauraAll Posts, Motherhood, Stillbirth

A dear friend is watching the girls today. I guess she saw that I just need some rest. As soon as they drove out of the driveway, I came in with a sigh. Sat down, and asked the Holy Spirit what I should I do with my heart. He brought to my mind the IHOP prayer room, which is open … Read More

Light in the Shadows

LauraAll Posts, Farm Life, Motherhood, Stillbirth

Amidst the mourning, there are rays of pure light. Like when I saw Ryan riding the tractor down the lane for the first time. Like when Vivienne swings tirelessly on the tire swing. Like when Lia does, well, just about anything. My life surrounded by such beloved people. After all of the loving and heartache that goes on in a … Read More

When Moving to a Farm…Part 3

LauraAll Posts, Farm Life, Motherhood, Stillbirth

Gather your beloved family close and make a place for each one. On Sunday, we buried Juliette Abigail Booz (Young one; Joy of the Father) in a beautiful place by the water, right here with us. *** God opened the roses just in time for her memorial. *** Losing Juliette is truly the most difficult experience of my life. Yet, … Read More

Vivenne’s Quote of the Day

LauraAll Posts, BEST OF, Motherhood, Stillbirth

With great sadness, I wanted to share this with you… Vivienne (to Grandmom): “You know, my mom won’t be bringing the baby home with her from the hospital. But d’ya wanna know what’s great about it? The baby is in Heaven… and didn’t even have to read the Bible to get there!” Some of you knew, some of you didn’t … Read More