Connect with your child: Just ask.


Do you ever feel like you get to the end of the day and wonder if you connected with your child?

I find myself wondering, Did I even look at her all day? Did I touch him? Did I smile at her?  These questions catch me off guard more often than I’d like and remind me to be intentional about connecting with my kids.

Sometimes I notice that I’m wrapped up in my own little world and I need to “up the connecting ante” across the board. Other times I notice that one particular child seems to be lonely and sitting on the sidelines of life; she needs me to intentionally pursue her and remind her that there’s a place for her here.

Now that we’re enjoying the sweetness of summer, let’s think of July as the month we’re going to intentionally connect with a sweet kiddo in our lives.  As often as I can, I’ll share a post-it note’s worth of encouragement that’ll help you build your relationship with your child.

So, here’s what we’re going to do today:

Ask, “When do you feel most loved by me?”

I feel loved – and naturally give love – by words of affirmation and engaging conversation. That means my kids get lots of affirmation, lots of listening ears, and lots of conversation, but this doesn’t mean they really feel loved by it 

When I asked my kids, “When do you feel most loved by me?” I was surprised by their answers. 

My 4 year old son replied, “I feel special when you pray for me.” I loved his answer because he unintentionally told me two things about himself: first, that “love” to him meant “feeling special” and secondly, that he really was savoring those moments at the breakfast table or at bedtime when I’d pray for him. Who knew?

My 7 year old daughter said, “I feel close to you when you cuddle with me.” Her answer helped me to see that “love” to her meant “feeling close” and that any time I could wrap my arm around her or sit by her side, she was feeling the love.

That was a few years ago, so I wonder if their answers have changed? It’s about time I checked back in. I’m going to jot this down on a post-it note and make sure I ask them today. You, too? Your child’s answer will flavor the rest of the ways you pursue them this month.

(If your child is stumped by your question, try this free and easy “5 Love Languages Profile for Children”. A few simple “either/ or” choices will help you to see what “love” means to your kiddo.)

Let us know what you discover!