Counting The Cost


This week, I had the offer of a lifetime. Truly: working with a couple of dear friends on a project that would send all of my cerebral and creative gifts in a glorious tizzy. A project that could potentially reap great spiritual, financial, and personal gains. I had about 24 hours to decide; I used every last minute of them to talk to the Lord (and Ryan!) about this major decision that would require a 3-year commitment minimum.

I could hardly believe myself when I replied that I could not participate in the project.

Am I crazy?! I pondered seriously. (And, without considering the full story of what God is teaching and requiring of me, I might answer my own pondering with a resounding YES! You are crazy! After all, most of the reason I’m not telling you specifics is to avoid phone calls and comments telling me that I am, in fact, flat-out crazy for saying “no”.) But I have a deep peace that I’m not crazy because within those 24 hours, God reminded me of what He has accomplished over these past three years (i.e. rescuing Ryan and me from a close encounter with separation, etc.) and all that He has taught us (about marriage, parenting, family, life, etc.). He made it perfectly clear to me that we are still in a high-maintenance healing mode; we might feel good and strong, but we must proceed cautiously and guard our growth vigilantly. God also reminded me about my deepest desires and most frequent prayer requests (to love my husband and children very very well) and how silly it is for me to ask Him for such things while making commitments that jeopardize these very gifts. He taught me that although this project may be perfectly ordained for others, it is not ordained for me for a whole slew of reasons.

Needless to say, it’s been comforting to gain some perspective as I recover from the loss of this opportunity. For the next few days, I hope you’ll join me as I reflect on some of the things that Ryan and I have learned about marriage and family and why it’s starting to make sense to us to give up anything that might hinder us from pursuing God’s very best for us.

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” – Jim Elliot

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