How She Won My Heart

LauraAll Posts, BEST OF, Motherhood, Stillbirth

When I delivered Juliette, I wasn’t expecting to feel the same bonding that I felt with our other children.

I wasn’t expecting to feel that deep love that took root when I held our first two squirmy, crying, nursing daughters.

And yet, I did.

She lay so still in the crook of my arm, and my heart gushed with love for her.

(I shouldn’t have been surprised, because God allows the same post-delivery hormones to race through the body; the same maternal instincts to rise up in the heart; so a mommy can know and love each and every one of her babies.)

I was smitten.

I looked at her little red body, which needed so much more time to develop, and I loved her.

No, she was not much to look at; for she was not meant to be seen yet!

But I felt so pleased about who she was; I am so pleased about how far she had come.

I am proud of her.

So very proud of her.

And I want the world to see our little girl.

What a wonder! What a delight! What a beauty!

The mystery is, she did absolutely nothing to win my heart.

She didn’t have to do anything to win my heart.

But did she ever.

So I caught a glimpse – just a glimpse – of the Father’s love for us.

Suddenly, it all made sense that even when we were dead in our trespasses and sins, God’s love for us gushed forth and Christ died for us.  It all made sense that His love for me doesn’t even consider anything I might do, be, or accomplish to earn it.

He just loves me.

I have done nothing to win His heart, for His heart has won me.

(Thank you, my dear Juliette, for teaching me the gospel.)

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