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Five Fabulous Ways I Save on Gas

1. Avoid long-distance relationships: I happen to be in love with a man who shares my address. I don’t even have to bike to his house.

2. Shop in my own home: I buy most of my jewelery from a smallish person who sets up her shop on our ottoman. I also buy juices, jellies, lentils (I’m not kidding), and an assortment of baked-goods from the restaurant that she keeps under our Queen-sized down comforter.

3. Car-pool: I usually car pool with two other gals who go practically everywhere I do.

4. Turn the car off immediately upon pulling into the garage: (You would, too, if you had just listened to a squawking parrot CD fifteen times in a row during your drive home.)

5. Frequent the local dance club: Who needs to drive into town when she has a Barbie strobe light, rockin’ tunes like “Everybody Wants to Be a Cat”, and superior dance partners in her own basement?