For well over a year, we’ve prayed and sought council on whether or not we should sell our farm and move closer to work, church, lessons, and friends.  A few months ago, we finally made the decision to go for it! We discovered a wonderful house in town and made an offer. With final closing scheduled months down the road, we felt confident that we could sell the farm by then.

We have worked our tails off to sell this place.

More than that, we’ve prayed and ask for God’s help all along.

“We trust God to help us sell the farm,” we thought, and said, and heard, and prayed.

Dozens of friendly prospective-buyers have called, emailed, and visited our open houses. Many of them wandered the property for hours, dreaming about the horse farm, produce stand, or retirement community they’ve always wanted to build. Until last night, we were still in conversation with four potential buyers. I thought for sure one of them would send us an offer the night before we were to sign on our new house. (Isn’t that just how God works? Making us wait until the last minute and then showing His provision in just the knick of time!)

But all four have suddenly said “no”.

We are scheduled to close on Friday without any prospective buyers.

We feel like fools.

Fools for going under contract without selling the farm first. (Note: don’t do that! It is better to live on mac-and-cheese in your friends’ basement for a few months while you look for a house.)

Mostly, we feel like fools for putting a layer of “We trust that God will do this for us!” overtop the truth that maybe he won’t.

Tonight’s the night someone is supposed to say “We’d like to make an offer”! This is the night we were going to celebrate that God came through; that He saved us from ourselves.

And yet… there is silence.

Waiting for a “yes” from a buyer feels like we’re actually waiting for a “yes” from God.

I remember feeling this way when we were waiting for our first baby. (Twelve, thirteen years ago, we waited over two years for a baby while doctors said, “It’s impossible.”) It was agonizing and our hearts were worn out before God. We wanted to trust Him to bless us with a child, and yet we just couldn’t get beyond the fact that maybe He wouldn’t.

To this day, I don’t know if God relented and sent Vivienne because we begged passionately or if it had always been in His plan and we just had to wait until that ordained moment. (Surely, people beg even more than we did and never receive a baby at all.  And surely, He had always held Vivienne in His plan even if we didn’t ask for her.) So, which is it? From what I can tell, Scripture says, “Yes. Both.”

So, here we are 12 years later with a similar question. Can we say, “We trust God to help us sell the farm”?

I don’t know. I don’t think so.

Last night, I had a talking to myself. Tears ran. Months of false hopes finally lifted and flew up-and-away. True hope (tiny, little true hope) had room to breathe. Though I can’t trust God to sell the farm, I can – I must – trust God.

Just God Himself.

Trust in Who He Is rather than what He should do. 

Trust God.

I will. For I have read and heard of His greatness and of His love for those who believe. Whenever I open Scripture, I read of His faithfulness to His children (and their children). I know His salvation through Jesus Christ. I know He is my Father and He will not abandon us even if we made an unwise decision. I know He hears us and cares about us in the midst of these burdensome circumstances.

And so today, as I think about that looming contract, I will trust God.

…God, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (from Psalm 73)