Laura Booz Gardens!

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Who said the girl can’t garden?! The girl said it, actually. But, she’s realizing that perhaps she’s on a learning curve with all kinds of potential ahead. Take a look at her hypothetical gardening diary:

2004 – Move into a home with flowerbeds galore. Pull dandelions (sometimes) when they appear. Insist that tangly four-foot shrubs be pulled out. Make sure you’re pregnant when the hard work is scheduled. Cower at all other prospects of gardening.

2005 – Dig out bed in front of house. (Whine about all of the rocks. Let Ryan have a go at it. Disappear until he has dug the entire thing.) Go to greenhouse and buy four kinds of attractive blooming flowers. Plant them. Receive lots of praise for the sudden burst of color.

Learn that cut-daffodils stink.

2006 – Eagerly anticipate the return of last year’s flowers. Learn that once planted, they don’t bloom at the same time. Nor do they stay bloomed for as long as one might wish.

Learn again that cut-daffodils stink.

2007 – Plant ornamental grasses under a dense Maple Tree. Learn an expensive lesson: respect the plant tag that says, “Full sun”.

Purchase Miracle Grow. Use it once.

Read a website about how to make overgrown non-blooming lilac trees work. Hack away at extra lilac growth with weed-wacker and clippers.

Learn again that cut-daffodils stink.

2008 – Plant petunias and phlox in the sun, ferns and mini-impatiens in the shade. Transplant grasses to sun. Learn to choose plants that are sturdy, long-blooming.

Really step out and plant basil and parsley next to returning-sage and oh-my-word-this-weed-is-actually oregano.

Forget about last year’s Miracle Grow purchase; purchase more Miracle Grow. Find last year’s Miracle Grow purchase. Use it weekly. Use it daily. Use it all day long. You have plenty to spare. Consider selling small “100 Calorie” baggies-full to sympathetic blog readers.

Sneeze your head off when the lilac tree blooms with fervor.

Remember that cut-daffodils stink. Cut forsythia, tulips, and lilacs instead.

Be presumptuous; call yourself a gardener.