I was saving that “I’m going to write an eBook” post as a draft and didn’t want it to “go live” until I knew for sure I could give it a go. But, I flubbed it up and now you all know! I guess I might as well dig in then, huh?
The truth is, I’m so intimated by a project like this and can’t seem to imagine having the time or energy to follow through. My biggest struggle is how to take the time to write each day without feeling guilty that I “should be” spending every waking moment with my children. This has been my struggle for six years. Until now, I’ve just solved the dilemma by not doing anything else; I’ve spent most of my time with the children – reading, playing, crafting, and learning.Â Not wanting them to feel like they are “second fiddle,” I’ve been sneaking my online time when they are asleep or engrossed in an audio book or something. In fact, there are times when I am working on the computer and I hear little feet coming up the stairs, and I pop up out of my chair because I don’t want them to see me at the computer. (That’s a true on-going story.) But, I’m beginning to realize that this is not necessarily the best choice. As it turns out, (and as Ryan has been trying to convince me for six years), our children can endure a mother who has another valuable interest. In fact, they will thrive to have some time alone – without Mommy – as they pursue their interests and I pursue mine. Some online moms struggle to spend time with their children; I struggle to spend time without them. (Does that make sense?) So I’m trying to figure out what it looks like to carve out some intentional and well-guarded time during which I may write. And I’m determined to do it in the light, fully supported by my family, and without guilt.
Today I asked Viv if she would feel lonely, ignored, and “like a bother to me” if I worked on my project during Lia’s nap time. Without hesitating, she happily said, “I wouldn’t mind at all! I could color, or do iron beads, or listen to Adventures in Odyssey…” Great kid. So, I’m thinking that I’ll boldly work on the computer for an hour each afternoon while Lia and Malachi sleep. AND, every Wednesday afternoon I’ll plan a longer work session while the girls play or – get this – WATCH A MOVIE. These are tentative timid plans, but they make me feel like, “Huh… maybe I can do this…”
I’ve been struggling with this for so long I think it’s time for a change. I think it’s time for an eBook.
To send me on my merry way, do you happen to have any support or suggestions for how to balance a personal work-interest with my desire to be an excellent mother??