While I Have a Minute… The Agony of Infertility


Ryan and I asked God to give us our first baby for over 2 years.

Somehow “making a baby” wasn’t as easy as we thought it would be.

As months of negative pregnancy tests piled up, “please pray that God would give us a baby” became our only prayer request at every gathering. Sometimes I feared that we were tiring our friends with our one-song, our one-hurt, our one-want, our one-need. But we couldn’t stop the longing. We asked, we begged, we pleaded. We met with doctors. We tried special diets.

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day… month after month… the ache grew deeper.

I keenly remember one day in our teeny-tiny house when we got a new CD – Waterdeep’s “The Purest Place.”  We popped it into the CD player and heard the track, “Proem”.

Everything good and beautiful seemed to swirl around us in those 20 seconds. Something about this child’s prayer disarmed us… it was the whisper of vulnerability… it was the ache of hope.

We fell into each other’s arms and wept.

I happened to have heard “Proem” again today, over 12 years later. It still touches a deep place in my heart. Mostly, it reminds me about the agony of infertility.

Those days of waiting hurt like nothing else.

If you are waiting for a baby, I just want you to know that I am thinking of you this week.